The arrival of Plarchie, the 8-metre giant knitted squid made entirely from plastic bags, came as something of a shock to me. One minute I was wandering the echoey rooms of London’s Natural History Museum pondering what knits might spring from my needles. The next thing I knew I was half-awake buried in a pile of crumpled plarn ends with my needles smoking in my clawlike hands. I had no idea what I’d been up to for the last three days of my life.
And then a cephalopods-shaped shadow fell over me and I turned slowly to meet the horror I had created…
Plarchie was big. He was bigger than big. He was giant. He was made entirely from Sainsbury’s carrier bags and rustled eerily as he walked. But, as his eyes were bulging from the sides of his colossal squid head and he looked out to the sides, he had no idea I was there. I scurried behind a fossil display and observed my handmade horror as he made himself at home.
He looked so nice and relaxed. All squishy and slimy and supine. I took a deep breath and approached the ten-tentacled terror. After all I was his creator! Shouldn’t I be able to tame the crinkly beast?
Softly I approached, attempting the crooning melodious call of the sagacious squid whisperer as I neared him.
I can confidently report there is nothing quite like being slapped in the face by an 8-metre giant plastic knitted squid to remind you stitched sea life are a dangerous breed.
The last I saw of him Plarchie was headed for Heathrow Airport, his tentacles wrapped firmly around the panic-striken driver of a black taxi cab. Heaven knows what will happen as another of my uncontrolled knits is released upon the world. What calamari catastrophes will he bring about?
I suspect this is not the last I will see of the magnificent mollusc. I pray I see him before he sees me…
Want to make a woolly mini Squid of your own? Buy the Finger-fighting Stitched Squid knitting pattern
See more Stitched Sealife Escapees over at Knit the City’s: Yarnstorm the Eleventh: Stitched Sealife Escapees
On Ravelry? Visit Plarchie’s project page.
Stalking Neil Gaiman? The fabulous Mr Gaiman tweeted Plarchie on February 19. Plarchie now demands his own trailer. Sigh.